Here is a small glimpse into the daily life of someone so precious to me, someone who is just trying to understand why? someone who just wants to grow her little family even though loss is all she is becoming to know. Everyone Meet Hope, the Mother of 6 baby angels and one beautiful little girl here on earth, Alice <3
To read more about Hope or to follow her journey, click this link Hopeful happiness through heartache
Shortly after our loss in May, a friend sent me a book called "I'll hold you in heaven" by Debbie Heydrick. It's really been opening me up to making sure I truly remember all of our losses thus far. Miscarriage is such a taboo that no one ever talks about so before this book, I just tucked everything away, pushed it down deep (way down deep), and tried to move on and almost hide the fact that this happened to me. Then, I read this book and let me tell ya, this book brought out my ugliest of ugly cries. It brought out my grief. It brought out the deepest, darkest and most hidden shadows that I had safely placed where no one would find them. That's when I started writing. This book busted me up like a coke bottle with a Mentos plopped in it. I was bursting with emotions and I couldn't handle every thing that I was feeling. But writing became not enough in a sense.
That's when I looked into miscarriage remembrance jewelry & photos. I found the perfect necklace and my best friend was the perfect photographer to capture everything I was missing. With my necklace proudly hanging, we met with Tiff & started brainstorming ideas. The photos were also an emotional roller coaster. I was so excited to share about this taboo topic that no one talks about but I was also so down because of our history.
Asking someone to help us remember 6 losses, 6 miscarriages, 6 tiny precious lives, was a huge task for us. We weren't sure if they would turn out okay or if people would get it. We decided to do 6 balloons, one for each child lost too soon and then released them. Our two year old, Alice, released them and said "they go up to Jesus & the babies?" And it just broke me. I kept it together for the pictures but man, those tears opened up like the flood gates when I got home. We talked about incorporating shadows to represent each child and imagined them all playing together with Alice. This session (and I haven't even seen the photos yet) has helped to heal those wounds that I've been hiding so far away for far too long.
Talking with my husband later that night, we talked about how it makes us realize how truly blessed that we do have Alice here with us. It's hard for us to comprehend God's plan for us when we have this beautiful and full of life two year old but yet he's taken 6 other babes from us. The balloon release was the hardest for him. It was emotional but it also felt like some sort of closure almost.
When and if, we decide to try again, we've already picked names out. We've chosen names that mean healthy, strong & prosperous. These photos have given us a "closing chapter" type of feeling and we are hopeful that we will not endure another loss. We are more positive, more hopeful and more blessed because of these photos. These photos have made us realize how blessed we are to have a friend like Tiffany who was in turn, blessed with an amazing skill. How blessed we are to have an out of this world wild child, Alice. How blessed we are to have each other to lean on. How blessed we are to have each and everyone who has reached out, prayed for us & has shown us love and light through our darkest times.
He Himself has said, "I will never leave you nor forsake you." —Hebrews 13:5
Thank you for visiting,